It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

It was the best of times. When I walked through the halls of high school that first year, I suddenly felt like I was so much more mature. There was nothing in life to worry about and as far as I knew nothing could harm me. My 4HCND girls never failed to make me laugh and in my opinion we were inseparable. I remember nights of dressing up and going out and nights of endless conversations about the boys who captured our attention. I had a boyfriend who I thought adored me and friends whom I adored. March brought with it the opportunity to play at state for basketball as a freshman and I felt on top of the world; my hard work had actually paid off. Through going to the LA Dream Center, I developed friendships with people who greatly impacted my life and my eyes were opened to the importance of my relationship with Christ. I had an innocence that I wasn’t going to let anybody or anything take away from me. In my opinion life was pretty great.

It was the worst of times. As a simple freshman, I was inferior and in no way superior. The friends that I loved were wonderful, but schoolwork saturated my time to the point where I didn’t get the time that I wanted with friends. I had to adjust to the changes that moving from middle school to high school brought with it. But other than that, no problems really came my way.

It was the best of times. Sophomore year also brought with it a love for life and a love for the people around me. Although classes separated the 4HCND girls, we still found the time to hang out and only laugh more. As a first-year track runner, I got the opportunity to go to state with my relay team and place. Volleyball also brought with it it’s own set of memories and the opportunity to develop relationships with girls who I still greatly admire. Not only that, but Interscession in the Spring allowed me to go to Children’s Hospital and develop a love for something that has become the direction for my future. In my opinion life was pretty good.

It was the worst of times. I didn’t get to see my 4HCND girls as much as I would have liked to and we were slightly becoming separated. School had really become something to dread and it swallowed up all of my time. While this part of my life sucked, the issues that came with basketball that year really set the tone. With a new coach, I quickly went from being a freshman starter to a sophomore bench-sitter. While the lack of playing time upset me, it was the emotional effect of the season that really hurt. When he told me that I was practically “worthless” I suddenly found myself starting to believe that. Although I had my share of problems, life definitely could have been worse.

It was the best of times. I was finally half-way through my time in high school and no longer considered an underclassman. I had challenging classes, but with a challenge often times comes the eventual feeling of success. I once again was able to place at state for track and also had the chance to go to the Dominican Republic and vividly see the joy of Christ in the lives and faces of the little kids. In my opinion, life was simply alright

It was the worst of times. During junior year I found myself constantly stressed out with the pressure of school and keeping my 4.0, and I often times found myself in tears late at night as this pressure became too much to bear. On top of that, my friendships completely fell apart and 4HCND was nothing more than a distant memory. I didn’t even know those girls anymore, nor did they know me. I was pretty much on my own and had no one to really confide in or have “girl talks” with anymore. It sucked, it really did. As if all of that wasn’t enough, I was struck with the devastation of losing Zachary in May. It was as if God recognized that I was already feeling really overwhelmed and letdown and decided to pile even more weight onto my shoulders to see if I could handle it. Life was genuinely horrible. I hated it. Every effort I made to be happy was constantly being swept away in horrible circumstances. I lost who I was. I lost who God was. I lost who I was in terms of my relationship with Christ. Problems were all that I knew, and I didn’t know what to do anymore about them.

It is the best of times. Over a year later, I still have the boyfriend that I adore. I am finally in my last year of high school and can look forward to college and “life after high school.” In my opinion life is just what it is.

It is the worst of times. I feel no direction for my life and have no idea where God will take me. As a result, I have done way more applications than necessary and eight of the nine will eventually go to waste. I also now feel the need to fill out scholarships, but I have no guarantee that I will even be awarded them. So in essence, I feel as though I am wasting my time for something that I feel no direction for. Not only am I constantly plagued with the work of college, but I am also constantly thinking about the emotional and social aspects that will accompany college. I am extremely afraid and sad for what will become of my relationships with people, both Derek and other friends. I genuinely hate the topic of college. I am afraid that friendships are slowly going to diminish and that my favorite girls are going to become completely different people. I also worry about my relationship with Derek; what will become of it and if it will even last. I feel like I can look at the road before me and do nothing but see through eyes of uncertainty. I feel like suddenly my life is moving in fast forward when I want to do nothing but push rewind. I feel like my innocence that I once knew has been completely lost and I so desperately want it back. I thought senior year was supposed to be the best, what happened to that? Problems seem to go hand-in-hand with life now.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. As I look back on my years in high school I see a unique pattern: the older I get the harder life seems to get. Yet with this growing up comes the ability to mature. And with maturity comes the ability to grow. I can look at the increasing “worst of times” with anticipation, knowing that they are nothing more than an opportunity to grow and mature. Life really is what I make it. I can look at life and see nothing more than black and white, or I can look at the “black” and get excited, knowing that it will help me progress towards the person that I long to be.